As I thought about creating a doll, I wanted to make a Self-portrait as Warrior doll; a totem to help me get through grad school finals and the end of school with my students. What began to emerge was a simple self-portrait, so I followed Hastings’s (2003) advice and let go of my “preconceived notion” (p. 8) and just enjoyed the process of making a doll. I feel a surprising emotional connection to this little doll, she feels like an expression of acceptance and love for myself, which is not something that comes naturally for me. I have been striving toward being my most authentic self; doing away with the facades I’ve needed in order to fit in, to feel safe, unashamed, and accepted. She is a concrete representation of a stage of development, my early steps on a journey to be more accepting of myself, just as I am. This personal evolution directly impacts where I am on my transformative journey to becoming an art therapist. The more I am able to silence what Hastings (2003) calls the “inner critic” (p. 8) and have empathy and compassion for myself; the more I am able to fully experience, appreciate, and have empathy and compassion for others.
In this art therapy program I have gained transformative knowledge, relationships, and new perspectives. I am trying to learn to have “faith in the process” (Moon, 2003, p. vii). I am learning how to be guided by something other than surface consciousness, and to recognize that I am a valid component of a greater whole. In striving to become a highly qualified and effective art therapist, I have gained an ability to reveal my vulnerability. I am learning to let go a little and trust, very difficult, but sometimes it is the only true option. My three-year-old son asked if he could take my doll with him to daycare, and that made me so happy, even though I knew she might not come back in one piece. For me, that is a transformation.
References
Hastings, P. (2003). Doll making as a transformative process. Saugerties, NY: P. Hastings.
Moon, B. (2003) Essentials of Art Therapy Education and Practice. Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas.
